May this secret be kept here whereas i know nobody will read my blog anyway...

I'd realise i really have no one to talk to or share what's my little sad corner is about..

so i guess here, is the perfect place.. getting my emotions out written in words.
The major points that's been going through my life right now,
Love,
Family,
Friends
Work...

For My Love life~
Gerald isn't the perfect guy, or rather i should be more honest, since i don't have to hide here, he's is far worst then to get any nearer of perfect. i'm not being sarcastic, but it is the fact... he has been the worst experience of all my past partners. And sadly, I'm stuck with him. I have no idea why am i still in this kinda situation. I'm not complaining seriously, not even comparing.. but maybe here are some situations that turns me off and helps understand the story better..

He is still picking his teeth, opening his mouth wide, sticking his fingers in to dig even in restaurants eating places. i had this voiced out before, and he'd agree to change this ugly habit. despite how much i hated it but this ugly habit haven't even changed abit.

Watching the movies with your lover should be a fun thing, or rather there is someone to share your laughter, mingle and get sad during the scenes, even to share and talk about how you might have felt after watching the show. but mine sadly, i rather watch it alone. Why?! because i'm like sitting next to a wooden log with no emotions at all, he doesn't have any sort of emotions at all... not even talk about it after the show... i tried sharing but its always " okie loh " “还好咯“... then the conversation just ends there. or whatever you say doesn't seems to get any replies. lovers cuddle in arms to watch the show, but he says rather its tiring for his own fucking arm... such a turn off...! and he only does one sickening thing, its to just keep plucking out his stubs from his chin and wiping it off his pants.

I've been lying to him for my off days... i'd rather go back to my own home staying with my family. Reason behind? I'm so sick and tired of him. The place can be dirty at times here and there, things needed to be replaced, to be washed, to be shifted or whatsoever tiny thing, he knows it, and he sees it, but he won't fucking touch it!!! he will only fucking emphasis saying it.. (FUCKING DO IT YOURSELF LAH!!!) I get so fucking pissed whenever he's free he just sleep whenever, always whinning about tiring, complaining with all sorts of fucking excuses.. just won't make anything useful out of himself.Even after you've done everything for him, he just doesn't seems to appreciate anything, nothing of showing any gratitude. Like its what i needed to do. Isn't him part of the FUCKing house? why am i doing all this FUCK SHIT? Can't stand it anymore, Its become a FUCKING phobia in me to stay with him any longer together.

Nothing is ever solved, he will just keeps dragging and dragging over the matter.. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN EVERYDAY as long as he could. I'm really Fucking ANNOYED by him not having to act like a big man to make decision and to find whats the best way out.Shut The fuck up and make things work will ya?!

Caring Concern? Heh... Fucking make my blood boil even higher.
I think if i were to grade this, out of ten, i give him one FUCKING point.
Fucking Disappointing ya know...
I'm like so tired of giving him all the attention, begging him to give me some..
REAL FUCKING PATHETIC MAN...

Looking at other couples, they can be so naturally sacrificing for each other, but my partner is somewhat a stingy person to whatever it comes. I'm just so sick and tired of all his excuses. ALWAYS EXCUSES! If its not excuse he claims then what?! the effort of loving for you to me its only this much? bloody helll, really brought myself to this piece of shit. i can't believe it.

Talking about going overseas with him? SHIT LAH, I've gone all moodless to go anywhere with him, He made me be, with all the whinning and waiting, whinning and waiting... excuse here excuse there... anyone understand how i feel at all?

Its like i rather do everything myself, better even without him around in my life, i can say i'm even more happy being alone, being single again.

With my family~

My sister is marrying this freak, i hope she's not really into him. for what i can say, i don't like him at all..

As and when my mum still go bonkers with her own 'out-of-loneliness' crazy imagination...
what more can i do with her as she's not spontaneous herself, nobody can please her not unless she brings it down herself.
I tried making her happy bringing her out but there's limitation where i can bring her now right? i'm just an NS BOY, How the FUCK do i get the FUCKING money? With Gerald is as stingy, i hate him more each time i wanted him to spend and please my mum.

O ya, here i am struggling with money issues, but my sister and my mum got a FUCKING 2 k plus OSIM massage chair... got that for her for paying half of it as her mother's day present, my mum was like bragging to me for this present, don't anyone understand of how harsh my situation is?

my phone line can be dead anytime.
I paid 2 third of my pay to the stupid broadband first if not without internet access, they kbkb here and there without getting to use but not pay a single cent for it at all...
paid a hundred bucks to cover my diners card.. or rather to keep away the bugging calls...
i'm like left with 50 - 80 bucks? to struggle through the month...
wishing each day pass faster then it should be to my pay day for the FUCKING 400 NS PAY to cover everything which is impossible...
Its like i don't even know whether i have enough to eat tomorrow.
With my Fucking life this way i can't abandon smoking less, so pek chek, i think smoking is the only best friend for releasing my stress that's left worthwhile doing...

With Friends~

Da Jie and Da sao is happily ever after, don't wanna bother them much with all the happy planning trips they've already made...

looking at them, comparing myself with my lover, i get so envy of their love relation...

even for Zach... i'm really really happy for him, my heart wanted to tear for he is so lucky to find a perfect guy to love him now.. Vincent has done things to go into his life, i can see he's really somebody you can rely on... what more can a better person be? he's got the looks, the body, good character, the generous gratitude, money, loving...

Everybody is moving, but i'm just stuck here...

With Work~

my initial plan was to return to Vantage, but they don't seem so keen in welcoming me back... Just take a good look at that place.. with no customers and prices are fucking ex, how to break it through to a big market with good money come to hand...? the main reason to go back is for Ronald 老师. For he is my benefactor, i wanted to help him..

So i took a big step out to return to my previous job, being an administrator, for they offer better money, and being practical even, its a five days job, i get more pay in compared and more personal time... and moreover its a happy working environment.

Just i have to give up what's my passion again to get practical.