For so long i'm growing strong, this is the first major breakdown i have so far ever since my last blog.

I broke down in the shower and cried.
Cried so hard that i lost myself,
I couldn't even support myself to stand,
I couldn't even feel the water splash on my skin.

My mum woke up hearing my cries,
she was worried i know..
after i pulled myself up to get out, she was standing right there, holding both my arms askin, what happen..
i could only broke out into my tears and said nothing else..

i got dressed and ran downstairs, sitting at the playground, tryin hard to have my thoughts cleared. But the more i close each door, the more opens, my head was bursting in great pain. Not until I keep tellin myself i can't be this way,
"I'm always strong!" "I will be!" then i started to cool down and really dwell in deep thoughts of what's going on in my life..

FRAME 1:
I'm workin in JCP marine now as admin on the weekdays, being in the office is really 2 different thing from what i've been doin in the creative industry..
Vic offered me to join in, so at that time last year, i was escapin for a break and decided to try for a change.
I met Jenny, LJ, Rebecca ...
Jenny is from finance, her problem is she herself couldn't handle stress. Not sayin too much stress, but a little more and she tenses up, not knowin how she's treating everyone, Rebecca sees it too. Hard feelings been build up as being friends from there. The best part is she sees it as she's really "The Great". Everything she thinks is right, stubborn and no humbleness at all.
LJ, she's not in reality, her world is moving slow and it's hard to believe her words are true. Her blurness build problems everywhere, Even with the patience me, get annoyed. I've totally gave up neither being as friends nor collegues with her, just another stanger.People may think i'm really that harsh but being friends with her already created alot of unwanted issues.
Rebecca is a good friend.. she can understand what another feels and is patience enough to overlook them.. I really appreciate what you may have spoken words for me.. thank you, you will not be forgotten.
The Job here..
IT SUCKS! i think shouldn't even be called as an admin. Servant or maid should describe better.
1) Personal stuff equals to work?
2) your staff needs respect too. Yes.
3) Spare a thought for them yea? your staff maybe waiting for you to just sign a bloody damn cheque to feed tomorrow ya know!
4) Naz, you've been trying to cover your own ass. Your head is not that big then don't wear such a big hat! Your not wanting to do things build problems to the whole office to be slow or not getting things done. and when the 2 other bosses ask. You push all the things so clean off yourself. Plus you're really using us to do more to your personal stuff.You can't even organize your own personal stuff,then how you organize your work? the whole office doubts you. Whoever say no no , they're just wantin to hide from truth.

FRAME 2:
My sis has been provoking me, giving me attitude and all because i don't like her being sloppy with her boyfriend?

FRAME 3:
Love just doesn't seems to be true at all.
Major people around seems to be more interested in having sex then makin love...
so tired of love now..

FRAME 4
I've been working 7 days a week , weekends with Jean Yip,
I don't get enough rest and even time for my own

* FRAME 2/3/4 was updated after a year 22/04/09 then i decided to post this, was wanting to hide my weakness, so i'd hide this post, saving this post as draft back then